Following Pride in Moray, a genderfuild and pansexual teenager from Forres opens up about their journey of self-discovery

I am a genderfluid, pansexual teenager in Moray

No, your eyes are not deceiving you. I am a teenager in Moray, Scotland who is genderfluid and pansexual. My name is Alex and let’s talk about it.

What does genderfluid and pansexual actually mean?

Genderfluid means that the person’s gender is not fixed – they could feel masculine one minute, and then a few hours or a day later feel feminine. They can also feel no gender (non-binary) or both.

Some people who are genderfluid feel like they want to change pronouns, for example to they/them, she/her or he/him, but some are fixed on one set.

I have a fixed set most of the time, I go by they/them a lot, but sometimes I will go by he/him or she/her.

Pansexual means that the person likes people, not based on gender or identities. They love someone based on personality.

How I came to realise who I really am

As a kid I was always confused about who I liked. Many of the people I knew liked the opposite sex, but I didn’t just like boys, I liked boys and girls.

I hid it from everyone because I didn’t want to be seen as more weird than I already was. I went through all of primary school wondering if there was something wrong with me.

When I went to the Academy in Forres, I had a friend who I told about liking both genders. I asked her for some advice and she told me about the LGBTQ+ community.

I asked her what I would qualify for and she said that I was maybe bisexual or pansexual, she told me meanings of them both, and I took about a week to fully think about what I was.

I finally thought pansexual was right for me, I researched and felt it was correct about how I viewed people I fancied or liked. I was about 14 years old by that point.

Even before that, when I was around four or five years old, I told my mum that I wanted boy clothes, not girl's and she went out with me and got me boy clothes.

However, when I was about eight, I wanted to switch back to girls clothes, so my mum being supportive got me girl’s clothes. That still didn’t feel right for me, so at 11/12 years old I asked for both, boy and girl clothes.

I have always been confused about it because at some points, I thought I was transgender, but that didn’t sit right either.

At around 14, I tried to figure it out by looking at others who felt the same way online to try and find some help, and I found the term genderfluid. I had no clue what it meant so I looked it up and found that it is exactly what I felt.

I kept looking at things to try and know for sure that I wasn’t transgender or just plain weird, and at the age of 15 I identified as genderfluid. I am now 17, and I have accepted this is who I am, it will never change.

Was I accepted?

I was accepted by everyone I’ve told – even my 76-year-old grandad!

When I told my mom I was pan and genderfluid, she immediately accepted me. I told my friends soon after because I wanted them to know and they accepted me as well. My brother and the rest of the people I knew all accepted it too.

I told my dad I was pan when I was 16 and I was worried about his response, but surprisingly he accepted it. I still haven’t told him about me being genderfluid though, so he’s probably finding out through this article.

I soon changed my name to Alex after identifying as genderfluid because my birth name felt so feminine that it didn’t sit right.

I looked for gender neutral names, and I have always liked the name Alex because of the many others it can be short for – Alex, Alexander, Alexandria and Alexa. Everyone I know now uses my preferred name which makes me feel more accepted.

What school was like

When I started at Forres Academy, I was 12 and I was really confused about my gender and sexuality. It didn’t help that the students there would call each other homophobic names. The teachers were a lot better about coming out – or at least the ones I went to were.

In June 2023 for pride month, my school did a bunch of activities like making badges and bracelets, watching movies, wearing odd socks for autism and bright colours for pride and so on.

It had come a long way since I started at the school, when nothing would happen during pride.

Some adults would say kids come out to “fit in”, but that’s far from the truth in 99 per cent of cases. Kids nowadays aren’t as afraid to show who they are as they would have been 30 years ago.

It is still scary for kids to come out though, as certain families will still shame their kids for being attracted to the same sex, or for being transgender.

In the workplace, I have been accepted and celebrated for being who I was, I was given this opportunity to make write about my story while doing a programme called career ready, and immediately took it because I wanted the story of someone as open as me to be heard.

It is hard for young people especially to be heard and taken seriously about being LGBTQ+, and genderfluidity isn't as well known as some other identities. I like to think it will be in the future.

Going forward, here’s what I suggest.

If someone you knew wanted to be known by a different name or pronouns, do it. It will take less than a few seconds, and it doesn’t change the person. It is just words that they prefer to be used to describe them, so don’t say they are confused and wrong – that is wrong itself.

They are being extremely brave for telling you. This means they trust you and respect you, and if you can’t give that same respect back then shame on you.

Just remember your child or friend hasn’t changed, they are still the same person, just different names, pronouns or sexuality.