Moray man speaks on same-sex marriage on 10-year anniversary of it becoming legal in Scotland
On the 10th anniversary of same-sex marriage becoming legal in Scotland, one man has said it feels more important to him now than ever before.
Chris Dixon, who works in Elgin, was in his early-20s a decade ago, but admits to some extent the debate and magnitude of same-sex marriage being allowed passed him by.
In part, that was because of his own pessimism around whether he would ever be in a position to get married, but things have changed drastically since.
He met husband Angus and settled down, eventually popping the question and getting married.
Now, when there seems to be a rising swell of anti-LGBTQ+ voices, he feels the availability of same-sex marriage is as vital as it has ever been.
“I never thought I’d get married to be totally honest,” Mr Dixon said.
“Growing up, who did I have to look up to? Who did I know that was gay and in a committed relationship? There wasn’t really anyone.
“I was quite pessimistic, thinking I wasn’t going to meet anyone. That was my default, and I hope that the next generation doesn’t have that pessimistic process.
“It changed when I met Angus. That sounds very lovey-dovey, but it’s true.
“When same-sex marriage became legal I didn’t really feel like it was a big deal at the time. I remember thinking ‘that’s nice’, but I didn’t really care.
“With wisdom of age, I slowly began to come to the realisation that this is a nice thing.
“At the time, one of my gay friends told me that they weren’t advocating because they wanted people to get married, it was just about being equal, which I think is the big deal.
“The cynic in me feels that it’s more important now, because I don’t think times are very good for LGBTQ+ people at the moment.
“There’s a lot of hate, and that’s universal – it’s not just about sexuality. There’s a lot of anger.
“Maybe I just see it more transparently now, but it feels like that static is always brewing which maybe makes these things more important because of what they represent for us going forward as a country.
“It represents an openness and willingness, and positivity, which I think is what we need at present.”
When same-sex marriage became legal, it was met with some resistance in some – often religious – quarters.
That makes it all the more ironic that Chris and Angus met through one of the few entities that still refuse to perform same-sex marriages.
“I’d come to Pluscarden Abbey, which is a Catholic Benedictine monastery, and they asked me to come along and do work on a pilgrimage they were doing,” Mr Dixon recalled.
“Angus was a walker on that pilgrimage. I remember the first time I met him because he was wearing this ridiculous hat, and I instinctively thought he was gay, but then he was wearing a wedding ring and I thought maybe not.
“We got to know each other really well. At the time I was working between Pluscarden and London, and I needed to come back for two weeks but I didn’t want to stay at the Abbey, so I touched base with the friends I had made and I ended up staying with Angus for two weeks.
“I got the famous question: ‘when did you know you were gay?’ I threw it back at him and asked when he knew he was straight, and his reply was ‘I don’t think I am’.
“We met through the Catholic Church, which is hilarious really. Now, we don’t talk about it, and the monastery don’t mention it.
“There is 25 years between us, which I suppose is somewhat significant. Maybe that was a concern on his part, but I didn’t really bat an eyelid at it.
“I think people might take more of a stance against it when it’s a man and a woman. I’ve known so many people of all ages, and nobody has ever batted an eyelid from the gay community.
“Certainly when I was growing up in London, the older generation looked after the younger generation – and it seemed to be with the idea that it would be our turn one day.”
Having been happily married for years at this point, Chris and Angus are able to plan and build a future together.
For heterosexual couples, this point of their relationship would often come with questions about having children, but Chris has a similar approach to that as he always used to about marriage – he does not think it is ever in the cards for him.
With so many of his friends going in that direction, though, that can bring its own challenges.
“I don’t think I’ll ever have kids, but maybe the psychology of that is that I’ve thought that ever since I was 14 and it might just be so ingrained,” he added.
“As a 30-year-old man now, all my friends are having kids, so I’m consciously aware that there’s a level of conversation that I’m not part of.
“That’s my main worry – is that going to pass me by and I’ll end up falling behind? That is probably becoming my main thought.
“Marriage was something I never thought would happen, but I’m glad it has.
“It’s hard to describe because it just naturally happened. It felt natural from the beginning, and now looking back I can see why it was so imperative to fight for it in the first place, because it is just about being equal. It is the symbolism of it which, to me, is the big thing.”
